WHAT IF WE PRE-CHOSE OUR BODY?
I am tired of hearing women put themselves down, I am tired of hearing women say ‘if only I was born with…’, ‘if only I was taller’, ‘if only…’. Women doing this have completely handed over their power, they are ignoring that they are their own life creator, they are blaming someone else for their problem/s (blame feels better than guilt). I would like to help remind women that they are the ones who calls forth magic, joy, love, and beauty, all they need to do is be open to the possibility that they can in fact have whatever they desire, with a word of warning, to get clear first on what they truly desire.
I have no intention to discredit anyone who is working through body issues, and no intention of dismissing the strength that is needed to reach self-love and self-confidence. I do intend however, to remind others that it is possible to reach a state of self-acceptance and self-love, and the bliss and gratitude that constantly floods through once you do the work and finally reach that point through sweet surrender, is more than worth the journey. I have come to understand that no woman simply knows she is beauty, she needs to learn it through experience, we go through such a powerful and confusing transition period from girl, to adolescent, to woman, no one can navigate that journey for us, we need to do the work ourselves, kind of like when we get sick - no one can really make us better, some might be able to help comfort us, but we are the ones who do the healing work. We can however find comfort and strength in the sharing of stories around others’ journeys. Every woman must go through this cycle of transition and in turn empower herself as a woman full of beauty, beauty that is unique to her.
So I ask you now, what if we pre-chose our body before we were born? What if we chose the base structure of our physical selves, we chose our height, the shape of our nose, the colour of our eyes, our hair, our body frame, the size of our boobs, our nipples, the shape and texture of our vagina, every single core detail, we chose for ourselves?
Does that make you stop for a moment, stop comparing yourself to other women, stop complaining about what you missed out on, and instead allow yourself the space to look at yourself with compassionate curiosity? Why would you have chosen your height to be as it is? Why did you choose brunette over blonde, or blonde over brunette, why did you choose fire or strawberry red hair? How about your legs, if you chose them to be either short or long, why? How does the length that they are serve you for the life path that inspires you, what do they offer you?
Hold on a second, I hear you say, if I could pre-choose what I look like, why didn’t I come out like Cindy Crawford? Every single woman’s features will offer pros and cons in society, however all of their features will offer them pros for their OWN life path (the path for their Highest Good, the one their soul has incarnated for). Cindy Crawford is beautiful just like many women, her life path however is unique to the lessons and experience that she has called forth in this life. Her physical features were amplified by the media and society to portray her as a feminine ideal, radiating sexuality – so if you chose this path for yourself too, would it fulfill you to have endless amounts of men (men who have never even met you in person, men who haven’t heard you speak, have no idea about what lights you up in this life, what gifts you offer the world apart from your physical features), focus their sexual attention and sexual desires towards you? Would that lifestyle make you happy? Or is it more fulfilling for you to attract men who want to know what lights you up, who invite you for a trek because you seem like the adventurous, down to earth type, and then have no option but to fall in love with you because these traits teamed with your physical features are what they consider beauty? Or are you the humorous one, the one making a group of friends cry with laughter, so you meet a man who gives your humour a run for your money, and allows you the turn to have a deep laugh too, he’s the playful joker whose wit matches your own. He falls in love with you because your humour and playfulness radiate so much beauty, he loves what you look like, and each day sees you as more and more beautiful as he gets to meet more aspects of you? If you looked like Cindy Crawford, would that really solve all your problems, or bring you more? What does your soul desire, are you living a path aligned with those desires, or living a path you think you should be living based on what the media and society have conveyed to you?
Just because a woman is physically beautiful, does not mean she has discovered her power of beauty, this strength, like I mentioned earlier is one that has to be learnt through experience. I lived with quite a few models in my early twenties in different agency model apartments in Europe, and ALWAYS the model who I thought was the most physically beautiful, turned out to have the most insecurities, it constantly blew my mind, suddenly they crashed the illusion of beauty down, I saw a physically beautiful woman, but also saw and felt her pain, she was needy, still quite in her youth, not empowered in her strengths. I do not in any way put myself above these women I have so much compassion for them, I have been one of them, I have had my own demons to face, I had SO many insecurities about my body during my late teenage years and early twenties, I constantly saw myself as the ugly duckling in a group of other models, always felt like the wild card who somehow got the opportunity to be part of a modeling agency, model apartment, but did not deserve to be there. These experiences were a really powerful gift, I reached a point where I started observing all women, including myself, with curiosity – what made me think of them/me as beautiful? What characteristics did I like and what characteristics did I not like about all of us? Through gaining the awareness I then started practicing to embody more of what I valued, and let go of what I did not value.
I saw one woman at the beach one day who was curvy, a bit chubby actually, and my gosh I could not stop watching her, she had so much confidence, she was in a bikini, playing with a volley ball, laughing, joking, having what seemed like a wonderful time. In my world at the time only skinny was beautiful, I was programmed to think you had to have stick figure legs (which I did not, mine were too curvy in my opinion), a bit of a sucken face, the only curves allowed were the frame of bones, the image was almost like a woman who resembled a young boy – that’s what the modeling industry in Paris, Athens and Milan at the time communicated as the beauty ideal, the ultimate way to look in order to book modeling jobs. So to observe this woman at the beach acting like the most beautiful woman in the world, absolutely no sense of any bodily insecurities, confused me, I initially wondered how she thought she deserved to be acting in that way, then I started to realise I was so drawn to her self confidence, I had nothing to challenge her with, I saw her as beautiful! I also wanted to be having the fun that she was having, feel the freedom from bodily concern that she appeared to be free of – I experienced many days where I didn’t swim because I did not want to be in my swimmers in front of anyone else. Man those days were painful, what a waste, days that I could have felt the bliss of the sand, sun and sea all caressing my skin.
Over time I continued to learn for myself that women with confidence, a willingness to live in their bodies were more free, more joyful, and more beautiful than those of us hiding ourselves away. I remember my final turning point of letting go of my self-consciousness about my body, I had taken up surfing, and was wearing a spring suit (a wetsuit with no legs, just a body and long sleeves – full wetsuits are really bulky and only worth the uncomfortable feeling in exchange for the warmth they offer on cold days). I was super insecure that the wetsuit squished my bum in a way that was unflattering, but I was not going to miss out on surfing, so I walked hiding my bum under a towel wrapped around my waste. When you’re out in the surf however there is no way of hiding your bum – two guy friends at the time later communicated to me that my bum looked fantastic in the spring suit, time stopped for me in that moment, I remember staring at them wondering if they were lying or teasing me? I didn’t feel they were being truthful because it was the polar opposite to what I thought my bum looked like in the suit, so I pressed them about it, and it turns out they were being truthful. That was it, I finally realised that I saw myself so different to how others were seeing me, so I decided to draw a line in the sand right there. I realised I did not need the whole world to tell me I was beautiful, I would trust my friends, and if I were to run into anyone one day where I thought my bum looked unattractive in a spring suit that was squishing it in an uncomplimentary way, then I would let my ignorance of it confuse them, and hopefully my confidence in doing so wash over them, and if someone chose to think of me as not beautiful, then they were not for me anyway. By learning this and doing exactly what I felt to do without any concern about how I looked doing it, step by step I noticed my insecurities of my body fall away, I started to be so confident in my swimmers, because I enjoyed the feeling of being in them! Over time I also moved myself to the next level of teaching myself to be confident completely naked. I accepted my body, and decided to work with it rather than against it! The biggest weight was lifted from me by doing so – it has been such an empowering process, a gift of both freedom and bliss, well worth the effort! I now hold confidence and kindness as the top two qualities that make up beauty in a woman. I clearly see (and feel) other women’s insecurities these days, I recognise them because I’ve experienced them. I am able to offer both my compassion and my truth to other women, I often remind myself to let other women know when I am observing them and thinking how beautiful they look, because I know how much I have appreciated that from others – I do not need it, but I thoroughly enjoy it, it helps me stay in check with myself to see myself from a holistic perspective. I also use my values of vibrant health and beauty as inspiration for the food I choose to eat (predominantly organic wholefoods from Nature), and to continue to move my body every day (not necessarily vigorous exercise, some days it might only be a gentle walk, all of us are different, I’ve worked out what I need and aspire to maintain the balance that allows me to feel both strong in my masculine and soft in my feminine).
Every single woman is attractive in their own right, what we need to do is work out our true values of beauty and learn to embody those values. We need to teach ourselves to focus more on what we love about our bodies so those qualities are amplified, and allow all that we do not like to dissipate by starving it from our attention and focus. A massive gift also comes through learning what sensations are blissful to us and choose to experience more of those! One of mine is the feeling of sand, ocean and sun all at once, so I often play like a child would at the edge of the ocean without caring what anyone else might think of me doing so – this was a big one for me because I felt like and still feel like a child doing it, but the fun of the experience outweighs any concern of others’ thoughts about it.
I wish all women the clarity to see themselves from an outside perspective, and then carry that within, in order to see themselves holistically, full of their innate, radiant beauty that they are! We are all unique, see your quirks, own them and learn to love them – the more you do this, the more you will see others mirror that love for those very same quirks.
POWERFUL BEAUTY MANTRA
I am love
I am beauty
I am strength
I am power
I am compassion
I am vibrant health
I am balance